Just fell off a train. Bad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
