i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
