You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
