You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
