The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
too bad you live with your parents still
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
