I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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