you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
