And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He did a backflip because drugs
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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