I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize