He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
