I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
