i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
