Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
