mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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