Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
