Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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