i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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