Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
