I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
