I looked at my own cervix.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
