i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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