I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
