It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
