so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
