I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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