It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
