Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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