Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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