is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
