how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
