Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
