you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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