you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
