I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
