Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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