Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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