so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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