i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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