awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
