last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
