If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
