I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize