Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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