There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
