Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
