Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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