fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
