Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
