the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
