To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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