i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
