My hand turned me down
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
