i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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