you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
