is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
