she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
