i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
