Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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