wanna go halves on a baby?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
