This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
