dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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