Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
