I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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