i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
