After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
