you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
