first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
