My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
