I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
