how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
