We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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