I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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