it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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