I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
